Look, Mum! Clothes!

Ever the ADD knitter, I am currently working on no less than six projects. This is normal.  Sometimes, it gets to the point where I'm forced to flip a coin, a la Two-Face, to decide which project I'll be working on on any particular day.


At the moment, however, it's an easy choice- my first proper fully-fledged item of clothing, that isn't a hat, pair of fingerless gloves, or some variety of scarf. This, my friends, is a big deal. And, it's only taken almost three years, four blankets, 10 baby hats, 25 adult hats, 2 headbands, 17 pairs of hand/arm warmers, 1 pair of leg warmers, 6 scarves, 2 shawls, 5 pairs of booties, 1 pair of slippers, 4 stuffed toys, 2 hottie covers, 2 iPod socks, 3 bunches of roses, 1 set of cupcakes, 1 mobile and a fair bit of graffiti to get to this point.


As a bit of background, there were two things that, at the start of my knitting odyssey, I swore black-and-blue I'd never knit- socks and jumpers. Socks...I'll get onto that some other time. But knitted jumpers? Was never really that keen on them, to be honest. 


For one thing...I think I'm traumatised by my past. I went to an all-girls private school from age seven to age 18, where my tubby, awkward self was stuffed into many a scratchy, ill-fitting regulation jumper, each a more grotesque green than the first. An assault on the eye indeed. For another, I have ridiculously large boobs. Just sayin'. Me, I adhere firmly to Trinny and Susannah's rules- if you've anything more than your basic B-cup, anything up around the neck is strictly verboten. Which means a large swag of the sweaters on Ravelry, even the ever-popular Owls and the stupidly pretty Paper Dolls are out. As are a lot of cardigan patterns, as cardis of the button-down variety usually add about 80 years to my age, and make me feel truly frumptastic. 


HOWEVER. While browsing on Ravelry, I managed to unearth a decent handful of sweater patterns that may actually look good on me! This racy little number on Knitty, for example. (Off-the-shoulder numbers work well for me- the eye gets drawn towards my neckline/shoulders, and away from The Girls. Technically). And this sweater by the scrumptious Ysolda Teague, with its lower neckline and waist-shaping. And this wrap-around cardi, also by Ysolda, which should go over my curvy lumpiness just fine.  All hope for my foray into jumper making did not seem to be lost.


AND THEN, while flicking through Laura Irwin's Boutique Knits, I discovered this gorgeous thing:

Love at first sight. My perfect match. Romeo and Juliet, without all the teen angst; Brangelina, without the rainbow children; Jack and Rose, without the iced water. You get the idea. I had to have it. It wasn't long before I skipped into my local watering hole and got my yarn of choice. I picked Zealana Kauri Fingering, a heavenly blend of New Zealand merino, possum and silk, in the Blue Awa colourway. Which I figured was sufficient to steer me away from my uniform of civil service black and give my eyes a bit of zing, while still being dark enough to have that magic slimming effect. Which, let's face it, I can always benefit from.


Naturally, I couldn't wait to get started. But first, I needed to get gauge. For this task, I enlisted the help of my clever mother, a knitter of 40-plus years, who somehow managed to summon enough patience and goodwill to teach me to knit, both as as child and adult. This took a while, given that Mum actually has a grown-up manager's job, and doesn't have near as much time to slack off and knit as yours truly. ;) Once we'd gotten gauge out of the way (really should learn how to do that myself...), it was time to actually sit down and knit the thing. Fabulous, thunk I. Soon I shall have a sweater vest, and it will be pretty, and I will be the envy of knitters far and wide!


Uh, soon, you say? Forget it. I had planned to sit down and start on the actual knitting over Queen's Birthday weekend (at the beginning of June, for the offshore folk). Which I did. And, it would have gone well, had I not kept having to cast on 5 times in a row, after not having left a long enough tail for all the stitches (256 stitches, people!). Or if the yarn hadn't kept breaking on me. Or kept getting twisted. Or if I hadn't kept somehow screwing up the ribbing, and having to start again. *sigh* A simple two-by-two rib, and I completely ballsed up. Although, for that, I blame the fact that I was knitting while watching Before Sunset on DVD. And those movies whack me in the guts every sodding time.


So...I unravelled it, wound up my yarn, chucked my 80 cm 3.5 mm circular in the ugly pink snakeskin handbag where I keep all my circs, and swore I'd come back to it "eventually". In the meantime, I soldiered on and continued under the mantle of St Erin, Patron Saint of Winter Woolies and People Who Just Cain't Say No, punching out baby knits and birthday hats, chucking them them left and right, like a lolly scramble. And, "eventually"? Didn't show up.


Until a couple of weeks ago (August 21, to be exact). I was at home on a Saturday night, feeling lousy with this weird flu-like thing, and I decided enough was enough. I spent too long on Ravelry, oggling all the pretty jumpers, and wishing my humble hand-warmers got that many ooohs and aaaahs. I'd spent too long sneaking onto Knitty at work, and adding screeds of delicious cardis, shrugs and Lizzie Bennett-style tunic thingies to my queue, and wishing for redundancy. And, I really have spent too much time on my dear friend Alex's Ravelry page eye-ing up this stunner:

Yup, the same Alex who, up until a couple of years ago, had no interest in knitting whatsoever. She has, needless to say, far surpassed me in terms of knitting skills. So, honestly? I thought it was about time I stepped up to the plate and cranked out a stunner of my own. So...while I was home sick that Saturday, while watching The Science Of Sleep (which was great, but not quite as soul-destroying as the aforementioned movies), I dragged out my blue Zealana and 3.5 and 4 mm circs and started again. And here, my lovelies, is the two-week progress shot:

Pretty neat, huh? ;)


I cast off on the "waistband" part while waiting for Darling Boyfriend to finish work, and am now ready to start on the back. Not entirely sure how long it will take me to blitz through 30 cm of two-by-two ribbing on size 4s, when I've got two presents to finish (one of which is a birthday present that's about three months overdue...), one September birthday present and one baby toy to start, and Christmas knitting for the parents and in-laws to think about. But...we'll see. So far, it's proving itself to be brilliant TV, travel and social knitting...and I even managed to whack out a fair chunk during a slightly drunken viewing of Secretary with DB and others. Good times.


Anyway. I have stuck my big toe into the big scary pool of knitted clothing, and I am proud. Here's hoping, after all this build up, that it actually fits and looks halfway decent. Now you mention it...it may not have been the wisest idea to start knitting myself a vest while trying to lose weight. However, at the rate I'm going, I'm not exactly expecting to drop three dress sizes over night. So...I think we'll be fine. ;)


To be continued....